A Theophany of Becoming

All you who have ears to hear, let them hear! If you have eyes to see, behold! I have seen wonders that are beyond telling; I have heard of mysteries that set the foundations of the world ablaze. I will speak of them now in words that burn, but flicker like candlelight. I am not ashamed to praise Him in the great congregation. (The poor shall eat and be satisfied, and those who seek the Lord shall praise Him.) (Little Benjamin is at the head, leading the throngs of the princes of Judah!)

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

Friends, beloved of God, and heirs with me of his inestimable, ineffable riches: can you fathom the depths of this truth? Its height? Its length? Its width? Its breadth? The Creator of all things, Source of the source of galaxies, the Ancient of Days and the Lord of Time; the one whose Almighty “BE” resonates still in the quivering strings that vibrate at the hidden heart of existence, seeks to dwell within us! To penetrate the hidden depths of our heart! To be to us, not an unknown god or a distant deity; not a cold judge or an anonymous force, but as Love Itself Love Incarnate, reshaping us from within to be a forge of pure passion!

I have tasted of this mystery, I tell you. I have watched its honeyed dewdrops swell with heaviness, and drip down with the swirling lightsome dark of this deep mystery, and I have tasted, the rich fruit of this Strange Tree; the bursting summer-ripe ambrosia of the well=blossomed celestial mysteries. Sweeter than honey it is, to be sure; and finer than gold, yea, than much fine gold. It is more intoxicating than wine, a fire that burns but does not consume, a light that pierces the deepest darkness of the hiddenmost chambers of our hearts.

Can you imagine, being in that boat on the stormy sea, straining with the oars against the wind and waves? The wind howls, the waves crash, and fear grips your heart. Then, through the mist and spray, a figure approaches: a light above the waters. Is it a ghost? A demon? No! It is the Lord Himself, walking on the waters of chaos, proclaiming, “Take heart! I AM!”  Oh, the astonishment! The terror and the joy! In that moment, we realize that the One who commands the wind and the waves seeks to enter the fragile vessel of our hearts. But ah! It tears open a deeper terror still. How can the finite contain the infinite? How much less this sorry and sinstained vessel the fire of his absolute purity? Yet still he comes … but we are afraid (we did not understand about the loaves, and our hearts were hardened).

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

What manner of calling is this! That we should be filled – FILLED! – filled with the fullness of God! The FULLNESS!! Not a portion, not a taste, but the very essence of Divine Love itself; the infinite outpouring, pouring out into the infinite void of our boundless brokenness. 

Groaning, I have felt the mantle of this calling fall upon my shoulders. I was a fool to press in. Three times did my father say, “Turn back!” but I pressed on. I knew where I was going, and I did not know. And the flames and the whirlwind and the strange hoofbeats of metaphysical horses; the transfiguration that makes a man an angel, and I cried out (yet not me, but this voice torn out of me by the strange and terrible ecstasy of the act of witnessing it itself) “My father! My father! The chariots of Israel and its horsemen! The chariots of Israel and its horsemen!” And falling to my knees weeping in holy terror and ecstatic joy, I felt my old self torn away like a garment (and I was tearing it myself, but I did not know what I was doing) while his mantle fluttered downward, and landed soft and heavy on my shoulders, this strange new identity forged in the crucible of Divine Love.

This mantle. This strange, story-woven, many-colored new self. It is wet with the dew of heaven and steaming from its contact with the Holy Fire. It echoes celestial songs, sung by fire-beings and angel tongues. And rolling it, into a tool of my possession (though I am myself possessed) I strike at the waters with it, and find them cleaving open … (the waters of reality themselves, parting open, paring the veil between the seen and unseen, heaven and earth, things temporal and things eternal).

What lies beyond? What secret inhabits this most secret place? What unutterable words are spoken there? What reality-shaping words of pure fire and lightening, the unbearable birthing heat of the primordial darkness? My friends, it is a realm of such beauty and terror, such wonder and awe, that all human words falter and fail. Every symbol becomes molten, all is a riot of absolute being (even as it Is Not); every atom sings with the music of creation, every moment is pregnant with the possibility of transfiguration. And here, in the midst of it, in the deepest, most precious, most inscrutable bowles of all; beyond the third heaven, beyond the seventh heaven; the Koh-i-Noor atop of the Throne of Glory itself: here is the deepest, most terrible, most real, most unimaginable, most sacred truth: 

I am beloved. You are beloved. We are ALL beloved. We are loved with a love so vast, so profound, it shapes and reshapes the very fabric of our being. 

In all the noisy heavens, among the choirs of angels, rank upon rank, who cannot keep their voices quiet, and all the thunderous praises of creation, the voice of God Himself: “I rejoice over you with gladness. I will quiet you by my love. I exalt over you with loud singing.”

It is no mere sentiment. It is no fleeting emotion. This love is the fundamental force of the universe, the power that spins galaxies and splits atoms. And with its secret and relentless passion, it makes and remakes us in its image.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Can you feel it, dear ones? The stirring in your soul, the quickening in your spirit? It is the touch of the Divine, calling you to the endless furnace of becoming, a becoming that will never end. We are not static creatures, frozen in time and space. Our stories are not once written, but unfolding yet. We are dynamic, ever-evolving expressions of God’s creative love.

Let us embrace this holy becoming! Let us step out of the boat of our comfortable certainties onto the wild waters of faith. Let us allow the Divine Fire to consume all that is false within us, leaving only the pure gold of our deep and endless belovedness. It is here, in this becoming – in this endless unfolding of our God’s Love, in us, and for us, and through us – here we find our truest purpose, our deepest joy, our purest love – love unfolding, ever unfolding into love – and we, living, breathing icons of this selfsame everoutpouring Divine Love, portals through which heaven touches earth, and mountains melt like wax, and all reality smokes.

Oh, the mystery! 

Oh, the wonder! 

Oh, the astonishing, breathtaking, heart-stopping beauty of it all!

Beloved, take heart. The I AM is here, walking on the waters of our little chaoses, calling us deeper into depths of love we have scarcely even begun to imagine. Dare we answer? Dare we become?

A mantle is falling. The waters are parting. A new world beckons.

Let us step out. Let us become. For love’s sake, become!

The Gospel Fosters Delight in the Law

1 Blessed is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! 2 But his delight is in the Law of the LORD, And on His Law he meditates day and night. 3 He will be like a tree planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season, And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psa 1:1-3 NASB20

The way of the Gospel, where the law is a tutor that leads us to Christ (Galatians 3:24 NASB), as those who are no longer under the law but under grace, we can love the whole law. We float above the law, we have a disconnected perspective now. We are no longer under the law, but under grace (Romans 6:14 NASB). We can love and relish the law which condemns us, because we know that instead of leading us to justice, it leads us to Christ. Rather than closing the door to the law, the Gospel opens the door to a great love for the law, as it reveals all the subtle nuances of God’s rich mercy and lavish grace!

Furthermore, it is only under the rubric of the Gospel that we can freely LOVE the law without obligation or oppression, because we see it from an aesthetic vantage point rather than a moral vantage point. We can enter into a place of repentance without regret (2 Corinthians 7:10), because without pride, but rather as play, we can contemplate the law with delight. Delight is impossible when you see the law as obligatory, as if it was the gun that is held to your head.

It is crazy to ask a person to love the gun that is held to their head. If adherence to the law is our justification, that is what the law is. No one could love that. But under grace, the law holds no power over us, and this becomes a thing of delight, a gift from One who loves us instead of a weapon held by an enemy to control us against our tangentially opposed delight.

Who Will Separate Us?

35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or trouble, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 Just as it is written: “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE KILLED ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE REGARDED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.” 37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Rom 8:35-39 NASB20

After all the things I have been through in the past few years, and that I am still going through, it seems I keep coming back to this passage. Looking back, I actually can’t remember a season where I didn’t feel like a sheep to be slaughtered. Even as a child, I had severe asthma and almost died several times. I remember thinking of heaven simply as a place where I could breathe freely. Life is always full of joys and full of suffering, usually at the same moment. My wife Betty was brilliant at always being able to focus on the things to be grateful for. Her tombstone actually has her favorite verse inscribed on it:

18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

1Th 5:18 NASB20

This is a discipline I would do well to follow; however I confess I do not often do this. Not like her.

However, I wanted to focus on something here that my experiences over the past few years have forced me to understand. He asks, “will tribulation, or trouble, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?” What will separate us from the love of Christ?

Were it Up to Me

Were it up to me, any of these things and a thousand lesser ones would separate me from the love of Christ. If the rice in my refrigerator goes moldy, I suddenly doubt God’s love for me. Much less famine or sword! And for all of us, regardless of our wealth or poverty, our education or ignorance, our success in love or our loneliness, we will all experience profound tribulation. Not just in the end. All along. All of these things threaten to dissolve and render useless our love for God and for our neighbors.

But this is not the question! This is the most important observation here. Paul does not ask, “what will separate us from our love for Christ?” It is not a question of our love for Christ. Our love for Christ is fickle and weak and tepid and tenuous and largely a fabricated facade. The extremely true existential reality is that we do not love God.

10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1Jo 4:10 NASB20

We don’t really take this seriously until we face such hardships and realize that we judge God, we blame God, we ask “WHY?!” You think, no, I would never question God! Try that as you watch your wife wither and die from cancer! As you face the devastation of your life in the aftermath of such a thing. You will be pressed into this ugly truth about yourself: you do not love God. You blame God.

Who Will? I Will!

And so you find yourself asking, who shall separate me from the love of God? I know who! I will! I will do it. I will separate myself from God. I beg Him, turn your gaze away from me (Psalm 39:13)! He should have been in control of things, and He set it up so my mother would get Alzheimers and her mind would rot away for years and then she would die in some place in a coma. But this is the way of all flesh. Why?! Why?! Why?! Why is this our story – every single one of us?!!! It’s so genuinely awful and wrong! It really is so awful. We should not live this way, with this terror hanging over our heads. And there is nothing we can do to remove it.

But the question is not, what shall separate us from our love for Christ. God already knows the answer to that! We will as a collective humanity always crucify Him. The question is different though. It asks, who will separate us from the love of Christ? It doesn’t matter if we hate Him so much that we crucify Him and kill – still He loves us! He immediately forgives His crucifiers as they are crucifying Him!

It’s Not up to Me, It’s up to GOD

The message of the gospel is not our love for Christ. It is not our service to Christ. It is not about our obedience. It is not about our fidelity to Christ. We do not have any of these things when it comes down to it. Famine and sword and tribulation and sickness and death can easily separate us from our love for God. But take heart! There is no circumstance, no hardship, no sin, there is not any created thing that does or could exist ever, that stop God from loving you!

Believing this and holding it dear is not your burden. This is not contingent upon you at all. In this sense you have died. Your virtue has been thoroughly disproven. Your service comes down to being a Christ-killer. You are worse than nothing. It is not that you have sinned. Your repentance is worthless. You are a sinner. In the deepest marrow of your being, in the very warp and woof of your thoughts and intentions and desires, you are deeply wrong. Your very conscience leads you to kill God. You are relieved from the burden of loving God. Your imagined virtuous self is a fiction – it has been crucified with Christ.

You are even relieved of the burden of believing that God loves you. You are truly too blind and stupid and narcissistic to love anyone, much less God. The message of the gospel is not that you ought to love God – that is not the gospel, it is the law! The message of the gospel is this: God loves you! Even as you crucify Him unjustly, in the moment of your worst sin, He is forgiving you. He loves you. You cannot stop it. You may believe it one moment. You may doubt it the next. You may rage against God. You may worship Him as the beautiful creator. But nothing can ever separate you of the love that Christ as toward you.

So what at first seems like a tiny gossamer thread of arcane theology – “the cross of Christ saves us” – becomes an ocean of warm soothing healing security. We are vastly and greatly loved without condition or threat of ending. We are infinitely and eternally loved. We have been loved from before the beginning of all things (Ephesians 1:4-5) We are indeed saved. We are saved from our judgment and rage and ingratitude and hatred. This does not mean that we will stop our sin and ingratitude and rage and judgment! No! It means that these things no longer define us. Even in our worst suffering, it is the persistent unstoppable love of Christ for us which defines us. Our suffering will end (2Cor 4:17), but God’s love for us will endure everything. It will outlast our judgment of God. It will outlast our worst and most deep-seated sin. It will outlast our sadness. We are more than conquerors because we are lavishly and richly and greatly loved by Christ.

The love of God is not in us. The love of God is in Christ. This is indeed our salvation! And so I find myself genuinely and truly grateful. To my great surprise and relief, I am saved.

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Rom 8:37-39 NASB20

Wisdom’s Feast

In the beginning, before the foundations of the world were laid, Wisdom danced. Her laughter echoed through the formless void, a joyous invitation to a feast beyond imagining. And as the Word spoke light into being, Wisdom’s Table was set, adorned with the fruits of creation and the bread of life.

Oh, to sit at that Table! To taste the wine of Divine Love, aged in the cellars of eternity! Yet we, in our finite frames, shrink from the light. We hide in shadows of our own making, clutching fig leaves of shame to our chests. We forget that we were made for glory, for communion, for the great dance of creation.

But Wisdom still calls. Her voice rings out in the streets, in the marketplace, in the depths of our hearts. “Come!” she cries, “All is ready! The fatted calf is slain, the best robe awaits. Come, prodigals and elder sons alike, come to the Father’s embrace!”

At her Table, there unfolds a curious alchemy. Here, the hidden things of darkness are brought to light – not to condemn, but to transform. Our wounds become windows. Our scars become stars. The very things we thought would destroy us become the light by which we see the world anew. All that the light shines on not only becomes visible: it becomes light, as the Apostle Paul says (Eph 5:13-14).

Remember, oh soul, remember! For memory is the handmaiden of Wisdom. Not mere recollection, but a living, breathing remembrance that knits together our fragmented selves. In remembering, we are re-membered, our scattered parts gathered into a new whole.

See how Wisdom’s feast makes room for all! Here sit the rule-keepers and the boundary-pushers, the black-and-white thinkers and the embracers of grey. Their differing gifts, once a cacophony of conflict, become a symphony of praise under Wisdom’s conducting hand. All the birds of the air are gathered here, and nested in her ample branches.

And what of those dark growths, those hidden sins we dare not name? What about all the black flowers, the sour fruits that have sprung up in our secret garden of shame? Bring them to the Table! Her invitation is no less: bring them, yes, bring them to the Table. In Wisdom’s economy, nothing is wasted. The compost of our failures becomes fertile soil for new life. Our tears water the seeds of joy. Our confessions become songs of deliverance.

Oh, the depths of the riches of this wisdom and knowledge! How unsearchable are her judgments and her paths beyond tracing out! For Wisdom’s ways are not our ways, her thoughts not our thoughts. She leads us by paths we do not know, to places we never dreamed existed.

In her light, we see light. The scales fall from our eyes, and we behold the world as it truly is – shot through with glory, groaning in travail, yearning for redemption. And we, once blind beggars, become seers and prophets, seated with Christ in the high places, co-heirs with Him of the Divine.

So come, weary travelers, to Wisdom’s feast! Bring your broken hearts, your unanswered questions, your unfulfilled longings. Bring your intellect and your intuition, your reason and your passion. Here, at this Table, all are welcome, all are needed, all are transformed.

Wisdom is building her house, and we are her living stones. With each act of love, each choice for reconciliation, each moment of awe-struck wonder, we add our note to her cosmic symphony. And one day, when the veil is lifted and we see face to face, we will find that we have been feasting at her Table all along.

Until that day, let us feast and remember. Let us wrestle and reconcile. Let us dive deep into the mystery and soar high on the winds of grace. For Wisdom’s banquet is spread before us, a foretaste of the age to come. And her banner over us is love.

Parable of the Bidirectional Tree

Once, in the days when MossyMonk86 lived hidden, deep in the wildwood, a Seeker, weary from long travels and burdened by the weight of unspoken questions, came upon his hovel. The holy fool was perched like an owl in the lower branches of a gnarled oak, his tattered robe fluttering in the breeze, eyes glowing beneath his deep cowl. It wasn’t clear, from the ground, whether he was praying, or if he was basking in the sun, like some kind of human solar panel.

“O wise one,” called the Seeker, “I am torn between two paths. My heart yearns to explore new things and set off on new adventures, yet my mind clings to the familiar. How can I move forward when I feel pulled in opposite directions?”

Mossymonk86 gazed down at the Seeker, his graying beard swaying like Spanish moss in a haunted bayou. “Ah,” he intoned, his voice a curious blend of gravel and honey, “you seek the wisdom of the Bidirectional Tree.” He cackled with delight, a sound like pebbles tumbling down a xylophone. “What serendipitous fortune! In fact, I lived as a dendrite in that very tree for… oh, a good five, six months. Didn’t quite agree with me, I confess. My synapses were all aflutter, and I developed a most peculiar habit of sprouting leaves every full moon!” 

He stroked his beard thoughtfully, and a small twig fell out. “Come to think of it, there’s still a bird or two with whom I am a sworn enemy. They find me from time to time and peck at my eyes and fingernails! I’ve taken to wearing a colander as a helmet when I sleep. I’ve also tried painting my toenails to look like berries … then they leave my eyes alone, but I have to keep my feet hidden or else I’ll provoke an avian feeding frenzy!” 

He laughed in a self-pleased staccato, like the cawing of a raven with hiccups. Then he stopped abruptly, his suddenly a mask of seriousness. “Listen closely, my child,” he said, “for the cosmos whispers its secrets to those who have ears to hear. And occasionally, it sends a text message, but the roaming charges are astronomical.”

The monk slid down the trunk, landing with a soft thud. “And come to think of it, I once tried to eavesdrop on the universe using a giant conch shell as a cosmic telephone. All I heard was the sound of my own confusion… and something that suspiciously resembled a pizza delivery order for the Great Beyond.”

He began to trace intricate patterns in the dirt with a gnarled stick, his voice shrouded in the mystical darkness of a parable.

“Once, in the Sacred Grove, where the veils between realms are thin, there grew a most peculiar tree. Its roots, not content with the earth’s embrace, grew upward, defying gravity’s tyranny. Its branches, rebelling against the sky’s allure, plunged deep into the soil.”

The Seeker’s brow furrowed. “But how can a tree grow like this? Surely it would tear itself apart!”

Mossymonk86’s eyes twinkled. “Ah, but that is the mystery, my child! For in its seeming contradiction, this tree found its greatest strength. Its roots, reaching heavenward, drew down the divine mysteries. Its branches, burrowing into the earth, anchored it in the richness of creation.”

He paused, plucking a leaf from his beard and examining it closely. “The tree grew not in spite of its division, but because of it. Each year, it bore fruit of indescribable sweetness, nourished by both celestial dew and earthly loam. Of course, damned inconvenient to harvest the thing, cause all the fruits grew deep underground in the rich soil of the Dreamweave. But once in a while, a branch would break forth over the surface, and while the birds of the air could not lodge there, at least the little woodland creatures would all gather round for the most succulent and nourishing feast!” 

Suddenly, he popped the leaf in his mouth, chewing, swallowing, and licking his lips. “Oh! And it made such a wonderful habitat for the little wormies. To say nothing of the subterranean butterflies! You should have seen them, fluttering about in pitch darkness, bumping into roots and each other. Evolution works in mysterious ways, my friend. I once saw a mole wearing butterfly wings. Or perhaps it was a very furry butterfly with exceptionally poor eyesight. Either way, it was quite the fashion statement in the underground scene!”

The Seeker pondered this, scratching their head. “But what does all of this mean for me, O wise one?”

Mossymonk86 chuckled, a sound like distant thunder. “It means, dear Seeker, that your division is not a flaw, but a feature! Embrace the tension of your opposing desires. Let your longing be like roots that reach for heaven, and your attachment to the familiar like branches that ground you in your history and community.”

He leaned in close, his breath smelling of wild herbs, Styrofoam, and something vaguely and indefinably otherworldly. “Remember what is written: ‘Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.’ Your struggle is the very soil in which your self takes root! It is the strange everything taken into your being, that bears your sweetest fruit!”

He paused, plucking a piece of lint from his beard that looked suspiciously like a tiny, glowing nebula. “Ah, but here’s the cosmic joke, my perplexed pilgrim: sometimes the fruit is invisible, sometimes it tastes like questions, and occasionally, it sprouts legs and runs away! I once grew a thought so ripe it fell from my mind and became a new constellation. The stars still whisper its secrets on particularly clear nights.”

Mossymonk86 tapped his temple knowingly, causing a small shower of sparkles to fall from his ear. “Let your confusions ferment, let your doubts photosynthesize, and who knows? You might just bloom into a paradox so beautiful it makes even the moon scratch its head in wonder!”

The seeker’s eyes widened. “So… I should not seek to resolve this tension?”

“Resolve?” Mossymonk86’s sudden burst of laughter startled a nearby squirrel. “No more than the ocean should resolve its waves! Dance in the tension, my child. Let it be the rhythm that moves you ever deeper into the cosmic mystery.”

He stood, brushing dirt from his robe. He laid his hand, gnarled and weathered as the old oak, on the shoulder of the Seeker, catching their eyes with his gaze, and breathing into them with hidden fire. “Go forth and be like the Bidirectional Tree, my child. Grow in paradox, bear the fruit of holy contradiction. And remember,” he added with a wink, “even if others think you’ve gone barking mad, you’re simply branching out in new directions!”

With his other hand, he reached quickly and suddenly into his robe, pulled out a comically large pineapple, and thrust it into the Seeker’s chest with a dull thud. The Seeker winced as the sudden pineappley imposition briefly winded them, but then lifted their hands, cradling the strange fruit to their bosom like an infant. They turned to look at Mossymonk.

“Where did…” they began. 

But Mossymonk86 was gone already, shimming back up the oak, even higher than before, beyond where he could audibly speak or be spoken to. (Although it did seem, briefly and from a distance, he turned his head a bit, and gave the Seeker a little wink.) The Seeker, now both gently illuminated and thoroughly confused, started hesitantly on their way with the hyperbolic pineapple tucked inconveniently under their arm. As any true disciple knows, acquire any two of the three of these, and it’s a sure sign of genuine enlightenment.

I’m not that much of an Ascetic

For a few years, MossyMonk86 attracted a curious following—a small flock of investment bankers. (They might have been crypto bros, come to think of it — but they dressed like investment bankers.) It was a spectacle to behold: the wildman, barefoot as always, draped in his moth-eaten and threadbare cowl, his brown robe worn thin by years of wandering. His unkempt beard was tangled with twigs and leaves, his hair a wild halo of gray, where all the birds of the air found a place to lay their young—quite the contrast to the well-coiffed dos of his disciples. Yet there they were, flanking him on either side, a half-dozen alpha males, each strutting, impeccably clad in a different shade of Armani, their polished leather shoes clacking on the cobblestones as they struggled to keep pace with their ragged, untamed guru.

One day, he confessed to them—he did not deny it, but confessed plainly—“I’m not that much of an ascetic.”

The men were dismayed: shocked, bewildered, aghast, each wearing an identical look of horror, which—despite their well-orchestrated racial diversity—seemed eerily uniform, as if they had all been sculpted from the same basic mold of piety and success.

“But Father — how can this be?” one of them stammered, voice tinged with desperation. “We see your sleepless nights and your rigorous fasting. We see your long hours of prayer, how you sleep on the ground in short snatches, to spare time for your tireless meditation on the sacred Scriptures. We see the birds in your beard, and dirt caked under your nails; the thick callouses on your worldweathered feet. Your words have been precious to us — rarer than gold and sweeter than honey. We see how you care nothing for the ways of this world. You, Father, are the Alpha Sigma! Utterly unique, utterly yourself, the absolute paragon of authenticity!”

The old man stopped, and turned around — a wide grin on his weathered face, and a twinkle in his eye. Then he spoke to them, and said:

“The ascetic wrestles with the flesh. I wrestle with God. Don’t you see my limp?

The ascetic is a man of order and discipline. I am a man of chaos and disruption. I have come to set fire to the earth, and to turn all things upside down.

The ascetic lives a life of sacrifice. I live a life of indulgence. You think I am filled with the Holy Spirit? No, it is actually just new wine (though it is, indeed, only 10 in the morning).

The ascetic pours out his life in charity. I pour my life out in eros. I do only what delights me most deeply (but you see, what is most truly delightful has grasped hold of me).

And, of course, the wise man knows he knows nothing. I, on the other hand, know too much, and it’s driving me mad.

You seek to climb the ladder of success. But I tell you: that ladder is lying flat on the ground. You desire to master the art of living. But I tell you: life itself is the master, and we are apprentices fumbling in the dark. You chase after meaning like a dog chasing its tail. Stop, and you might find it’s been chasing you all along.

Your balance sheets are perfect, but your souls are in deficit. The interest compounds, and the debt collector comes at midnight. Your KPIs measure everything except the weight of your soul. How heavy is yours today? Your portfolios may be diversified, but your souls are bankrupt. You trade in futures, but have you considered the cosmic short sell of your existence?

Your strategic plans are written in disappearing ink on the palms of a juggler. You think you’re building empires, but you’re rearranging sand castles before the tide. You say you want to change the world. I say, let the world change you, and watch the universe tremble. You think you’re making history? History is making you, and the cosmic playwright is laughing at the irony.

You see, brothers, here is the problem. You think I love God. I do not love God. I hate him. I resent him. I myself nailed him to the Cross. I am above all men cursed. I am above all to be pitied. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin when it comes to the divine. My hatred for God is more intimate than your tepid love. In nailing Him to the Cross, I have embraced him more fully than your cautious worship ever could. My curse is my blessing, my pitiful state is my exaltation. In hating God, I have found a Belovedness beyond your comprehension.

You think that I love my neighbor. No, I can’t stand him. Why else do you think I spent those many years living in the wilderness? And lo, there is a place being prepared for me, where I can be alone at the heart of things.”

When he finished saying these things, he looked up. His eyes traced the cruel line of steel and glass to the 79th floor of a nearby office building, where a lone light flickered in a distant window.

Then his disciples looked at him. They looked at him, and then they looked at one another. Then, one by one, they went away sad. They had been hoping, each of them, the learn principles for better living, or some ancient wisdom that would bring them business success. But what Mossymonk86 offered them was a labyrinth from which there is no escape.

A Barefoot Rhapsody on the Mysteries of Reconciliation

In the labyrinth of Eirenthia, where moonlight kisses shadow,
I, the hidden singer, weave a song of sacred paradox.
Listen, oh seekers, to the whispers of divine mystery:

Verse I: The Sanctuary’s Embrace

In the womb of understanding, where reason falters,

faith blooms like night-flowers, fragrant and unseen.

Not in the rigid corridors of mind,

but in the soft, dark soil of being,

We find the roots of holy wisdom.

Enter the sanctuary, beloved,

Where knowledge dissolves into experience,

Where the unknowable becomes known

in embodied wisdom,

in the secret chambers of the heart.

Verse II: The Dance of Irreconcilables

Behold the cosmic dance of opposites:

sinners and saints, intertwined in grace’s embrace.

Swift-footed Asahel and cunning Abner,

we chase and flee, yet remain bound in brotherhood.

In the crucible of conflict,

interests clash and identities collide,

but a deeper unity emerges,

forged in the fires of divine love.

Verse III: The Feast of Reconciliation

At the table of Mystery, we gather:

Our differences laid bare, but covered in mercy.

One bread, one body, one cup of salvation,

poured out for the weak and the strong alike.

In this sacred feast, boundaries blur,

the irresolvable finds resolution.

Not in logic, but in love’s alchemy,

transforming discord into harmony.

Verse IV: The Paradox of Love

Oh, the sweet tension of holy love!

Setting boundaries, yet erasing divisions,

Honoring differences, yet unifying hearts,

A dance of separation and union.

In this love, we find our true selves,

Sinners redeemed, enemies reconciled,

Walking the knife edge of grace,

Between judgment and acceptance.

Epilogue: The Hidden Song

In the depths of being, dear one,

where the moon of understanding waxes and wanes,

listen for the hidden song of reconciliation.

It echoes in the spaces between breaths,

in the silence between heartbeats,

a cosmic lullaby of love divine.

As you walk the labyrinth,

may each step deepen the mystery,

may each turn reveal new wonders,

may you find yourself,

lost and found,

in the heart of Love itself.

The Barefooter’s song fades into the whisper of wind through ancient trees, leaving behind the lingering scent of cedar and frankincense and night-blooming jasmine, and the sweetburning taste of sacred mystery on the tongue.

The Map of Wisdom

Mossymonk86 would teach that the cosmos is woven with layers of sacred reality, each one a veil over the ultimate mysteries that dwell beyond our mortal perception. He would scratch in the dirt with his finger, and trace out the words of Psalm 69: “Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them” (Psalm 69:34), or he would intone from Psalm 96, “Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it!” (Psalm 96:11-12) And he would promise, with the Apostle Paul, that “At the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:10-11). He would raise the hood of his cowl, and peer out from the shadows; and with his voice booming and his eyes glowing, he would whisper, “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?” (Job 38:16).

Heaven is the ethereal expanse where the mind ascends, encountering the pure noetic essences in their ranks and orders. Here, angelic beings whisper secrets of the cosmos, and vertical causality aligns with the eternal forms. This is the realm of the noumenal, the realm of the emergent, the space of pure consciousness, where the right brain, unfettered by the limits of time and space, dances with the imaginal and the intuitive. Symbols here are not mere signs, but living gateways to the ineffable, a language spoken in the tongues of angels, guiding the soul toward the celestial archetypes.

Earth is the sacred plane where spirit takes on flesh, where the abstract dreams of Heaven become incarnate in the material world. This is the realm of the senses, where the fivefold gates of perception open to reveal the mysteries of the tangible. Horizontal causality weaves its tapestry here, binding together the myriad forms of creation into a grand, interconnected web, whose threads are stories and memories. Earth is the alchemical crucible where the sacred and the profane intermingle, where the soul learns through the textures, colors, and sounds of the material world.

The Seas and all that dwell in them are the deep, primal waters of the soul, where emotions and passions surge like the tides, pulled by the invisible hand of the moon. These are the mysteries of the unknown, the uncontrollable forces that rise from the depths of the unconscious, both wild and wondrous. The seas are a mirror to the soul’s innermost desires and fears, their ceaseless motion reflecting the turmoil and tranquility of the human heart. Here, the intuitive meets the chaotic, and within the churning depths lies the potential for both creation and destruction.

Under the Earth lies the shadowed realm, the underworld of divergent forces that stir beneath the surface of reality. This is the domain of division, chaos, and opposition, where diabolical energies seek to fracture and fragment the unity of the cosmos. Yet even here, in the heart of darkness, there is a hidden wisdom—a paradoxical truth that destruction is but a precursor to renewal, and chaos the seedbed of new creation. This is the realm where the mysteries of death and rebirth are played out, where the soul must journey to confront the shadows and emerge transformed.

But these realms are not separate but intertwined, each one reflecting aspects of the divine mystery; a mirror to the sociopsychosomatic unity of the human person; alive with the same erotothanatic and erotovital energies that suffuse all creation. To live wisely is to navigate these realms with reverence and awe, discerning the sacred within the profane, the eternal within the temporal, the light within the darkness.

He would also teach that each of these domains can be further subdivided, revealing ever more intricate layers of sacred reality. The masters throughout the ages, he would explain, have drawn different maps to explore the same territory. These varied systems of thought – from Kabbalistic Sephiroth to Buddhist realms of existence, from alchemical stages to depth psychology’s unconscious landscapes – all attempt to chart the vast, multidimensional nature of consciousness and spirit. Their languages and symbols differ, but they all seek to illuminate the ineffable Whole that lies beyond ordinary perception.

Mossymonk86 always emphasized that these diverse mappings remind us that while the ultimate reality remains constant, our ways of understanding and navigating it are as varied as human experience itself. He would caution against mistaking any single map for the territory itself, urging instead a recognition that each perspective offers a unique glimpse into the cosmic mysteries. The wise seeker, he would say, learns to read many maps, understanding that each offers valuable insights while remaining humble before the vastness of the unknown.

But then he would stand up, suddenly, at the end of his lessons, his face aglow, and his beard part and lift, as though flames encircling his head, and he would stretch his arms into the air, and open his mouth in the melodies of ecstatic speech, and he would speak of the Gospel.

The Gospel, he would say, radiates outward as the ultimate cosmic mystery, a wellspring of divine love that permeates all realms — visible and invisible, known and unknown, whether nouminal or phenomenal, material, psychical, or spiritual; symbolic or diabolic. This Gospel, he would say, is not merely a message, but the fabric of reality itself, woven with threads of grace so profound that it defies full comprehension.

He would speak of how grace flows like a river through all domains of existence, nourishing every aspect of creation with its life-giving essence. In the ethereal expanse of Heaven, it is the pure light of divine acceptance, illuminating the noetic realms with unconditional love. On Earth, it takes on flesh, becoming tangible in acts of compassion and forgiveness and reconciliation that transcend human understanding, proclaimed and embodied in every generation. In the depths of the Sea, it surges as a current of renewal, washing away the accumulated sediment of shame and fear. Even Under the Earth, in the shadowed realms of chaos and division, Christ is present, preaching to the souls imprisoned, lifting dead Adam by the wrist, and transforming death into the seedbed of new life.

With tears, Mossymonk86 would exhort brothers and seekers alike to the realization that the Gospel is not a set of rules or a system of merits, but a living, breathing reality that invites participation through simple openness and receptivity. It is, he would insist, a mystery that confounds our attempts at categorization or control, always exceeding our grasp yet drawing us ever deeper into its embrace. That the call to repentance is not a call to “clean up our act” and just live a little bit better of a moralistic existence, but a change in our whole life and being brought about by the free and irrepressible proclamation of the absolute fire of the divine love penetrating from our inmost depths, that causes us to repent of repentance itself, and all the ways in which we try to leverage spirituality to make ourselves better, holier people, rather than bask in the free infinitude of this all suffusing, all sustaining mystery.

He would teach that to understand this Gospel truly is to be astonished by it perpetually, to be absorbed in unending, uninterruptable, ecstatic delight, to stand struck dumb in awe before its boundless generosity. It is to recognize that in every atom of creation, in every moment of time, the love of Christ is at work, reconciling all things to himself. The Cross of Christ, he would declare, is where the map and territory are combined – a living way that guides us through the multifaceted realms of existence while simultaneously being the destination itself.

What I Know

I know I am not just nothing
I am worse than all of that
I am a hammer which destroys
I am a fist raining blows
I am an arrow aimed at your secret
I am a mean old fool whose greedy touch kills

I know that all my passion and all my vision
compels me to hammer that nail
into the One who is Love
That love which I have found so distasteful
Had to die
Had to end
But my killing rage stands impotent and useless
against the Love which rose against it
conquering me still it loves
unending and forever
I am unmade and undone
put together again by all the King’s wisdom.

Mossymonk86 and the Fragmented Soul

From the cubicle on the 79th floor, where @Mossymonk86 resided, the world outside seemed distant, but its influence seeped through the walls, carried by the faint hum of the office around him. The walls of his cell were adorned with scrawled aphorisms, written in a hand that trembled with both conviction and uncertainty. Here, the anchorite contemplated the mysteries of existence, far above the frantic scramble below.

One day, a Seeker, burdened by the weight of the world’s labels, came to visit Mossymonk86. The Seeker was a soul divided, torn between identities that clamored for recognition yet felt fragmented in their pursuit of wholeness. She had spent years navigating the maze of societal expectations, trying to reconcile the multitude of identities thrust upon her by others and those she claimed as her own.

“Father,” she began, her voice hesitant, “I am many things—a woman, a daughter, an artist, and a voice for those who have none. Yet, I feel as though I am none of these things. My identities, which I once held dear, each precious to me in turn, now seem to confine me. I am fractured, splintered into pieces, each part of myself demanding to be heard, but none able to sing in harmony.”

Mossymonk86, his eyes soft with understanding, nodded. “Child, you are not alone in this struggle. The world is eager to divide us, to categorize and label, to fragment the self until we are but a cacophony of voices within our own soul. But take heart! It is in this very fragmentation that grace begins its quiet work.”

The Seeker, puzzled, asked, “But how can grace work in the midst of such brokenness? How can I find unity when I am so divided?”

The monk smiled, a gentle, knowing smile. “Identity, my dear one, is not a fixed thing. It is not merely the sum of our parts. It isn’t just a recitation of the labels we have, or the labels we’ve worn. It is an emergent reality, a dynamic and complex feature of our being. Just as a symphony is not merely a collection of notes, but a living, breathing whole, so too is your identity. It is integrative, narrative, and collective—a story that is ever-unfolding, ever-becoming.”

The Seeker pondered these words, her brow furrowed in thought. “But the world demands that I narrow my focus, and define myself in rigid terms. How can I reconcile the myriad parts of myself with the pressure to conform? With all the competing obligations and expectations that are heaped upon me?”

Mossymonk86 took a deep breath, as if drawing strength from the very air around him. “The world will always demand. It will tribalize, it will pit one identity against another, to create divisions where none should exist. But you, child: stay rooted a the deeper vision. Never forget how fully you are beloved. Enter into the discourse freely and joyfully, and do not be confined by it, but to break it open by the force of the freedom of your belovedness. And take what is fragmented — indeed, what you yourself break along the way! — and to offer it up to the One who makes all things whole.”

The Seeker’s eyes widened as she began to understand. “You speak of a unity that transcends the divisions imposed upon us.”

“Yes indeed,” the monk replied, his voice firm yet tender. “Not the divisions only, but the distinctions also. Our destiny is to be healed, united, and transfigured, all. Reconciliation is the end goal—the vision of a world where there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female. A world where people of every nation, tribe, and tongue gather in harmonious ecstasy around what is True, Beautiful, and Good. In this vision, your identity is not erased, but fulfilled. It is not about denying the parts of yourself, but about seeing them as part of a greater whole—a whole that is found in the embrace of Christ.”

The Seeker, feeling a sense of deep peace descend upon her for the first time in years, asked, “But how do I live this out? How do I navigate a world that is so quick to judge, so eager to divide?”

Mossymonk86 gazed at her with a compassion that seemed to encompass the whole of creation. “Live with kindness and respect for all. Affirm what you can, forgive what you can’t, and always, always operate with love. Know that your identity is not something to be feared, but something to be embraced—an identity that is ever being made whole in the light of the Divine.”

Her heart lightened, the Seeker thanked the monk and prepared to leave. But before she departed, she asked one final question, “And what of those who reject this vision, who cling to their identities as weapons, dividing rather than uniting?”

Mossymonk86 sighed, a sigh holding both sorrow and hope. “There will always be those who reject what they do not understand. But remember this: even in their rejection, they are still beloved. And it is our task to love them, to pray for them, and to hold fast to the vision of reconciliation, even when the world seems intent on division. For in the end, it is not our identities that define us, but the love with which we live.”

The Seeker paused, her mind now wandering beyond her own interior struggles, considering the wider world. “But Father,” she asked, “how do we bring this vision into our communities, into our societies? How do we build a world where such reconciliation is not just a personal journey, but a shared reality?”

Mossymonk86 looked out the window, toward the city below, with its endless bustle and noise. “Child, the journey toward reconciliation begins within, but it necessarily flows outward. Consider the mustard seed, of which our Lord spoke. From growing itself of itself in its deep and indivisible unity with All That Is, it becomes a place where all the birds of the air make their nests. Our identities are not just personal truths; they are woven into the fabric of our families, our communities, and indeed, all of creation. Our task is to imagine a world as verdant as Eden’s garden, full of every kind of fruit bearing tree, each bearing fruit after its kind; where the flourishing of each contributes to the flourishing of all.”

“We cannot accomplish this work,” he continued: “it is in our nature in this fallen world to be at enmity with each other. Yet Christ has accomplished the unity of pitiable Adam, long subject to corruption and decay, for as we gather as redeemed sinners at the foot of the Cross, all that we are is both received and transcended. Standing on this ground, we can engage in the hard work of dialogue as a kind of play, listening to those who are different from us, and standing in solidarity with the marginalized: temporarily and partially embodying the love and delight that God has for them that is infinite and irrepressible. It also means engaging the powers and principalities that govern this darksome world; challenging systems of oppression that degrade and dehumanize dear image bearers of God, for whom Christ shed His most precious blood, and working toward the justice that will enable all to find their place in the world. The fragmentation you feel in your person is mirrored in our world, and the healing you seek within yourself is the same healing our world desperately needs.”

The Seeker nodded, understanding that her personal journey was part of a larger narrative. “So, our identities, though personal, are also political. They are tied to the structures and systems that shape our lives.”

“Exactly,” Mossymonk86 affirmed. “And in that lies both the challenge and the hope. As we groan toward our own wholeness, we grown also toward the wholeness of our communities, our societies, our world: and as best we are able, we work towards both. True reconciliation is not just an individual process, but a collective one. It is the hope of a world where love, justice, and peace reign supreme.”

And with that, the Seeker departed, the fissures of her soul glowing with a kindlier light, and beginning to see a faint glimmer of unity, not just within herself, but in the world around her. She left the monk’s cubicle with a renewed sense of purpose, ready to engage with the world in a way that was both deeply personal and profoundly social.

Mossymonk86 on the Path of Grace

For many years, @MossyMonk86 lived on the 79th floor of a towering office building, in a simple cubicle far above the noise of the city below. His life was one of quiet prayer and deep reflection, a far cry from the fast-paced world outside. Yet, word of his wisdom had spread, and even in the age of TikTok, seekers found their way to him. One such seeker was a social media influencer, eager to learn about grace and the good life.

Influencer: Father MossyMonk86, I’ve been so inspired by your words on grace. 🌟 You talk about a life that’s not just about endless striving, but about finding a deeper, more profound joy. I want to understand this for myself—and for everyone who follows me. How can we truly live in this grace? 🙏✨ #Grace #ProfoundJoy #LiveInGrace

MossyMonk86: Child, grace is the heart of the good life. It’s not about climbing ladders or proving worth, but about resting in the truth that you are already loved—deeply, profoundly, without condition. God sees you. God knows you. God forgives you. God loves you. The love that God extends to us in Christ isn’t something we earn; it’s something we receive.

Influencer: But hey, isn’t it crucial to hustle hard, aim for greatness, and live a life that’s not just good, but truly righteous? 💪✨ Let’s keep pushing ourselves to be the best we can be and stay on the right path! 🙌 #WorkHard #LiveRight #StriveForBetter

MossyMonk86: The world teaches you to strive, to hustle for what you want. But in Christ, we learn something different. The way of Christ is one of joy and delight, not of burden and fear. Remember how He lived—eating and drinking with those the world rejected. His way is not about avoiding sin through fear but about living in the freedom that His love has already covered you.

Influencer: So, you’re saying we should focus on Christ’s love instead of just our own efforts? 🌟 It’s about letting His love guide us and finding peace in His grace, rather than constantly striving on our own?🙏✨

MossyMonk86: Exactly. The moment we try to earn what’s already freely given, we miss the point. Our efforts are not the root of our relationship with God; they are the fruit of living in Gospel astonishment: being utterly awestruck at how His grace already freely surrounds and suffuses us. When you grasp that you are beloved — or rather, when you awaken to the fact that you are already absolutely and irrevocably grasped by that love — your life begins to reflect that truth naturally — without striving, without fear. This is the path of joy, where the burden is light, and the yoke is easy.

Influencer: So, how do we handle our mistakes and sins? How can we make things right? 🫂

MossyMonk86: We acknowledge our sins, yes, but not with a heart of fear. Jesus died for our sins, and it worked. God in Christ Jesus is reconciling all things to Himself, not counting our sins against us. That great work on the Cross is the great reconciliation, making whole what was broken. Our repentance is not about discipline or self-punishment, but about turning back to the one who has already paid the price. It’s about coming home, not proving you’re worthy to be there.

Influencer: Wow, this is such a shift from what I’ve always believed! I’ve always thought I had to earn my place and make up for my mistakes. 🌟 #NewPerspective #GraceOverWorks #MindsetShift

MossyMonk86: Many have been taught that way, child, both in so many words, and because of the pressure to live up to some standards imposed on you by yourself or the world. But the truth is simpler and more beautiful. Christ’s love is not conditional on your performance. It’s given freely, without an asterisk. Your task is to rest in that love, to let it shape you, and to live from the security of knowing you are already beloved.

The influencer nodded, feeling a deep sense of relief wash over them.

Influencer: So, what should I tell my 600K followers? 📷

MossyMonk86: Tell them to rest. Tell them that they have been set free to delight in things that are delightful for the sheer delight of it, because God delights in them. Tell them that God not only loves them, but that he actually kind of likes them, and wants to hang out with them while they do their thing. Tell them that the good life is not found in chasing after perfection but in receiving the perfect love of Christ. Teach them that grace is the freedom to become who we are truly meant to be — beloved children of God — and that is who we already are. And remind them that joy is the hallmark of this life: not fear, not striving, but the joy of being fully known and fully loved.

Influencer: OMG, thank you so much, Father! I totally get it now! 🙏✨ Peace!

MossyMonk86: Go in peace, child, and live in the freedom of grace. And when you speak to others, let your words be a reflection of that freedom—a reminder that in Christ, all are welcome, all are loved, and all are invited to the feast.