A Soliloquy on Identity
O God, you are the foundation of all existence, the wellspring of every identity, the source of every personhood. How astonishing are your works! How unfathomable your ways! How excellent is your greatness! You have created us in your image, investing each one with the same essential dignity, and the same honor of your glory, the same capacity to be loved — that most fundamental gift of being human — yet each one of us is unique, a mystery to ourselves and to one another.
Who am I, O Lord? Who is this “self” that speaks, that thinks, that loves? Where does it come from, and where is it going? You have planted within me a seed of identity, a disposition towards becoming, but its blossoming is a journey of a lifetime.
I marvel, O Eternal Wisdom, at the intricate dance of your providence and my choice, of your design and my experience, your love and my lostness. For in every moment, in every breath, with every heartbeat I am becoming. This self, this “I”, is not a static thing, not an immovable stone, but a living, growing reality, as fluid as a river yet as enduring as the mountains.
And here, O Lord, I am struck breathless! For in this very fluidity, this constant becoming, I glimpse the vastness of your love! How is it possible that you, the unchanging One, love me in my changeability? That your steadfast gaze follows every shifting contour of my being with unwavering adoration? The thought overwhelms me, crushes me with its weight, then lifts me up on eagles’ wings! I am beloved in my becoming – what glorious mystery is this?
How can it be, O Divine Paradox, that I am both fully myself and yet ever changing? That I bear the indelible mark of your creative act, yet am free to shape the contours of my being? You have made me a co-creator of myself, a steward of my own identity. What a fearful responsibility, what a glorious freedom!
I see now, O Unapproachable Light, that my identity is not a possession to be grasped, but a gift to be unwrapped, a story to be lived. It is a process, a becoming, a journey towards you. For in you, O Christ, I find my true self, my ultimate identity.
Yet how often have I lost myself in the labyrinth of false identities, in the mirages of worldly labels and fleeting narratives! How often have I forgotten that my true name is written in your book, that my real identity is hidden with Christ in God!
O Love that will not let me go, I marvel at your patience as I stumble through this journey of becoming. For you see not only what I am, but what I shall be. In your sight, O Eternal Now, my identity stands complete, even as I experience it as an unfolding mystery.
And here again, O Lord, I am undone! The realization crashes over me like a tidal wave – you love not only who I am, but who I will become! Every potential, every possibility, every future version of myself is already encompassed in your love. How can this be? The vastness of this love terrifies me, then comforts me beyond all understanding. I am known, I am seen, I am loved – in all that I am and all that I will be!
What then shall I say of others, O you who are Unity in Diversity? For if my own self is such a mystery, how much more the identities of my fellow pilgrims! Teach me, O Lord, to honor the becoming of others, to see in each person the sacred journey of a soul coming to know itself in you.
And what of eternity, O you who are the Beginning and the End? Will I know myself fully then, or will the adventure of becoming continue forever? I tremble with joy at the thought that in your presence, I shall at last be fully myself, yet ever growing in the knowledge of you.
And even now, even here, in all my incompleteness, you know me fully! This truth blazes forth, blinding in its brilliance! I am fully known and fully loved, not in spite of my unfinished state, but because of it! Your love doesn’t await my completion but revels in my becoming. O unfathomable grace! O love beyond imagining! I am undone, remade, born anew in the light of this love that overshadows all, that encompasses all, that redeems all. In this love, I find my true identity, my eternal home, my everlasting becoming.
O you who are Being itself, I praise you for the gift of identity, for the mystery of personhood, for the adventure of becoming. May my journey of self-discovery always lead me closer to you, until that day when I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.